Nothing Gained
by Cygnea
Summary: [BG2] Against all reason and common sense, Xan finds himself in front of her door once again.


**Nothing Gained**  
Based off the BGII Xan mod.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters mentioned below.

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He had come here to say…what exactly? 

He hadn't meant to find himself in front of her door, one hand poised to knock and announce his presence. In fact, as he climbed the stairs to the second floor he had purposely steeled himself, knowing that he would have to walk by her room to get to his own and determined to not so much as glance in that direction. The closer he came, however, the more his feet had begun to drag until they stopped altogether, some part of him wanting to continue the goodnight ritual that, until a week ago, had been so familiar and comforting.

But what was the use; what could he possibly say?

To fall in love with a doomed woman – no matter how charming, beautiful, and irresistible – was to ask for heartbreak. He had known it from the start but knowing did not stop his senses from abandoning him, did not prevent him from becoming completely fascinated with her.

To fall in love with a Bhaalspawn, however, was to walk willingly into the arms of despair. Who else but a fool would continue to follow a woman who, no matter how noble her intentions, continuously left death and destruction in her wake, who sought to confront a madman?

Tangled in his thoughts, he had no time to react as the door swung open and he found himself gazing into her eyes.

Once they had been vibrant and lovely. Now they were dark and blank, revealing none of her fading emotions – if indeed she still felt any at this point. No longer the metaphorical windows to her soul, they were instead mirrors that reflected his image back at him with unnerving precision.

"Xan?" He barely resisted flinching at the disinterested tone of her voice, though he could see the effort she was putting forth to summon some kind of emotion. Despite being freshly washed – he could smell the slightest hint of soap wafting off of her, see the absent of dirt that had decorated her neck just hours before – and ready for bed, she looked tired, the recent events finally beginning to take their toll on her. "What are you doing here?"

He would never be sure of what happened next – fate, maybe, or coincidence, perhaps even the taint itself grown strong enough to manifest a warning. Nevertheless, one of the many candles in her room – curiously dark, he noticed, despite their presence – chose that moment to flicker oddly and throw her shadow against the wall. His eyes were immediately drawn to it and the sight made his mouth go dry.

No elf had ever cast a shadow like this before. Dark and twisted, a thing of inescapable nightmares and whispered stories, it flexed terrible claws and opened a yawning chasm of a mouth in a misshapen grin to reveal the silhouette of countless teeth. Numerous spikes adorned its monstrous form and it towered over them both, hunched over as though readying itself to attack.

It existed only for a second, a brief trick of the eye perhaps, but it was enough to remind him where he was, what he was doing and just how dangerous the woman standing in front of him was.

That soulless, she was no longer the woman he remembered.

Coming here was a mistake, of course. He had known it from the moment his feet began to slow and his hand to move, but only now, seeing her up close, did it come back and hit him full force.

"Simply wishing you a goodnight," he replied stiffly.

"Oh." She smiled slightly, blandly, a faint echo of what she used to be that served only to highlight her fatigue. If she saw his discomfort, as he was sure she did, she showed no sign of it. "Well, goodnight to you, too."

As he turned and walked away, he could feel her eyes on his back and a heavy weight settling onto his shoulders as if a particularly dangerous beast was stalking after him. Keeping his pace steady and unconcerned was almost more than he could manage, and the thought of having to turn and defend himself flashed across his mind, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Finally, as he reached his own room, he heard her retreat and the door close. Relieved, he couldn't help but sag against the wood and let out a thankful sigh.

When she left, the shadows that had begun to creep out of her room went with her.

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Any and all comments are greatly appreciated. 


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